she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
