hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
