Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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