i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
