my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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