and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
