just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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