I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
