I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
