Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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