A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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