Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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