I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
