Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
splinters make it hard to masturbate
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Randomize
