if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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