the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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