ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
