people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize