You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
