we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
