if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
being pregnant is like rehab
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
