Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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