I love black thongs
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize