Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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