How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
