Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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