Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
