just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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