You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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