shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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