We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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