The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
