she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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