Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
