I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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