I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wish i was in the wii world.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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