respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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