just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
