I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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