The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
