i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
