and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
