just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
