hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
