I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
