you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
