my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize