Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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