I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
