Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
