just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
