question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize