I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
