He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
