wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
