feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
