What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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