two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
