If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
