It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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