I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
