I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
