I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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