You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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