I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize