So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
