I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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