just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You are a genius and a whore.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize