so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
